the period in my life from Friday until a few minutes ago (and counting) has been one of significant life changes, decisions, death and revalations in the lives of people I’ve come to care about. I will have to journal it all somewhere offline. it has not personally affected me on a monumental level but I feel powerless to add any significant action or comfort to those affected. and put my little whinings in a different scale in the big scheme of things. and leave me still questioning my purpose.

So the lump in my throat I was carrying around for a couple weeks was swallowed 20 minutes ago when I called my grandmother with a wobbly voice to let her know that I did love her, addressing the topic of our last conversation. I came clean to her about everything, about my desire to know my parents, about talking to people from my father’s side of the family. she didn’t take it badly at all like i thought she did or would. She told me in detail from her side perspective…the circumstances that led my mother to leave and me to stay. what’s interesting it’s not that different a telling from what my mother told me. what matters in the end, is i was loved, and blessed.

and she ends the conversation with, “well what I really want to know is have you found someone?”

that’s a story for another day.