i talked to my mother tonight…after awkward pauses between the Skype technology and nervousness, we had a conversation.


i made small talk with her about my job, my current status, her job etc. and I’m dancing around the things i want to know. all the while her voice sounded heavy with uncertainty as to the reason of my call. when i got tired of circling I brought it home, about wanting to who I am, where I came from, and did you get my email? an email i mustered up the courage to write which asked about the relationship between her and my father that went unanswered

She did not get it, which was a bit of a relief. it was lost with other emails on the computer around the time of her sister’s funeral who I met once. I continued with what happened in July with my newly revealed brother and the start of my uncertain quest to find out more about my disassociated parents and assorted siblings.

she also commented on my nomadic existence and we agreed that in 2007, my 40th year, it was time for us to get closer and be more of a family

without my asking, she began to tell me about the reasons why I ended up being apart from her, I assume I became a victim of best interests, as she was 17 at the time. about going back and living with her for awhile as a baby (i remember being scratched by a cat and crying). about the reasons she later stayed away. about the players in the drama that has permeated across generations of my family. about a large family on her side I know nothing of who are here, there, and everywhere. about the fact that she was in contact with my father for longer than I imagined.

i stood in the kitchen taking it all in, slumped over the counter and staring at my stocking feet…the journey has begun.